The idea of an ideal family size changes overtime. At our present age, we have also moved away from viewing that having two children is standard. It is therefore really up to you and your spouse to decide how many children you want to have, given all the practical considerations as well as what both of you really want. Well, don’t ever let anyone pressurize or tell you that your decision is right or wrong! Some couples may naturally know that they are done with having more kid/s.
What are the six tell-tale signs that you’re probably done having kids?
#1 Only Negative Thoughts
What is the first thing that come into your mind when you think about having another baby? If the first thought is something negative (and possibly followed by a series of other negative thoughts), then it may mean that you are ready to stop having more children. Do you think about how tired it is going to be, how disruptive a new baby will be to your current family lifestyle, how much loss of freedom and opportunity costs will come with another baby? Be honest with yourself and don’t let what your friends think affect you.
#2 Hard to be Positive
No positive thoughts, seriously? Your former pregnancy would have come with both joys and upsets, but you’d probably remember them. Let’s say you remembered how joyful it was to have your newborn baby put in your arms, how much would you like to experience it again? If you see another newborn baby along the streets, how much do you want to carry the baby? Should the answer to that be “not much” or “not at all”, then it is likely that you aren’t looking forward to another baby.
#3 Looking Forward to Life with Older Children
If you find yourself happy that your child is growing older and looking forward to more activities with your grown-up child, having a newborn baby may not fit with the plans. Everyone feels differently – do you feel like you miss the times when your children were young? Or do you feel like you’re so looking forward to doing different activities with a grown-up child? For instance, you may already be planning vacations where your children can go camping with you, or tackle white-water rafting. If you can’t imagine visiting amusement parks for young children anymore, it’s likely you’ve moved on.
#4 Unimaginable
You know what they say that to get what you hope for, you have to imagine it happening? Can you imagine going through the process of trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, going through the delivery process, the first year of intensive baby care, changing diapers and waking up frequently at night? How do you foresee your family dynamics will change for the better with another child? If none of these seem to be imaginable nor appealing, it could signal that you aren’t going to have any more kids.
#5 Practical Considerations
There are many practical considerations, and apart from weighing each major one, they also have to be weighed against other emotional and social considerations. Certain practical considerations are finances, childcare arrangements, career and other responsibilities that you’re currently taking on such as care for the elderly. Discuss these considerations with your spouse and decide together to avoid blame and resentment in the future.
#6 Finally Feeling Settled
What is your answer if someone ask you whether you still want to have kids? If you can confidently answer no and believe it wholeheartedly yourself, then it is a no. For instance, you may feel very settled down with your current family size and confident of how you expect your life to be moving forward (without another baby). You may also have moved onto hobbies that would take more of your time, or have thrown away most of your maternity and baby care stuff.
Once the decision is made not to have any more kids, you may want to consider other contraception methods other than condoms. Not all contraception methods will be suited for both of you, thus, it is better to consult a doctor that could provide suitable options that will cater to your needs.
Here are the four contraception methods!
#1 Tubal ligation/ occlusion
Tubal ligation is a permanent surgical option which involves closing a woman’s fallopian tubes by cutting or tying the tubes such that the egg cannot reach the uterus. This is done under general anesthesia and can be done laparoscopically, using a telescope-like device that is inserted through a small incision in the abdomen. Tubal occlusion is the non-surgical option that involves inserting a small insert into the fallopian tubes to prevent the egg from reaching the uterus. Local anesthesia may be used and back-up contraception is required until the fallopian tubes are confirmed to be blocked in a follow-up appointment. This process will not affect your hormones, menstruation nor the ability of your ovaries to produce eggs. There is also no impact on menopause.
#2 Hormonal contraceptives
There is a wide range of contraceptives options, from oral birth control pills, hormonal shots, to patch or ring. There is also an hormonal implant that can be inserted into the upper arm and prevent pregnancy for up to three years. While these are temporary and can be used until menopause, they affect your hormones and are a risk factor for women who are vulnerable to early-onset breast cancer or blood clots.
#3 IUDs
IUDs refer to intrauterine device that is placed through the cervix into the uterus to stop the sperms from fertilizing the eggs. Depending on the brands, they have different shelf life and some release low dose of progesterone to lighten the periods. It is temporary and an alternative to hormonal contraceptives.
#4 Vasectomy
Vasectomy is the procedure to access the tubes through which the sperm travels from the testicles to the penis, and sealing these tubes. Local anesthesia to the scrotum is required. A man will continue to ejaculate but no sperm will be contained in the fluid. Follow-up appointment is required to ensure that the fluid does not contain any more sperm before backup contraception can be stopped.
It is really a personal choice whether to have another children, and which options you want to use for contraception. These are decisions to be decided together with your spouse, and very much depends on unique situations and lifestyle preferences that only both of you know best.
