Parenting is difficult and it can be even tougher when you’re a single parent. Whatever the reason for single parenthood, there are unique challenges faced when one person bears all the responsibilities. Certain situations and family dynamics may be harder than others to deal with, but here’s a look at 7 more common challenges.
#1 Financial costs
The practical aspect of parenthood is providing for our children, and there are financial costs involved. Depending on the age of the child and how many children, the costs can vary; for instance, costs of infant care, child care, diapers, children furniture and basic necessities can be substantial. It can even be more stressful when the child requires special medical care that is not covered by insurance. Finances can be stressful and draining; it would be better to tackle this on head – prepare a financial plan and manage the daily finances within the budget.
#2 Time (or lack of)
Being a single parent would mean there isn’t another parent who can cover on days when you are not available. It doesn’t naturally mean that when you’ve a spouse, it will be easier – some spouse or relationships can make parenting and your life harder! But it is good to have someone you can trust to help out on days when you have to work late or be outstation – don’t be afraid to ask for help, for instance from your parents or consider asking your boss if you can bring your child to office on some days.
#3 Two (or maybe three) full-time jobs
When the child is older, there will be school work to help out with – school is more competitive these days and as a parent, it will be hard to let go and decide to leave your child to it without monitoring his school work. Helping with school work can be extremely draining after a full day’s work at office and feel like two full-time jobs on some days. Add in the chores, it can certainly feel like three full-time jobs! Decide if you really want to keep doing some of those chores or instead, free up some time for yourself (and live with some messiness!)
#4 Lack of emotional support
Sometimes as we learn how to be a parent, we need someone to talk to on how to deal with various matters that come up. Depending on each situation, you may not have another person to discuss matters with. If you like, you can join a parent group or talk to other more experienced parents.
#5 Social stigma
As divorce rates increase, single parenthood will be more common. However, there is still a social stigma or an awkwardness to explain why you don’t have another partner to help parent your child. It may also be difficult for your child when the topic of both daddy and mommy comes up. Some single parents may feel inadequate about their parenting or guilty if their child is being deprived in some way. Read up and seek help on how to communicate and process this with your child.
#6 Compensating with permissive parenting
For parents who feel guilty or are too drained to discipline and set boundaries for their children, there may be a tendency to allow the children to do anything they like. Overtime, this is more likely to lead to discipline or behavioral issues that are hard to manage.
#7 No time for yourself
It may sound contradicting but you have to take care of yourself before you can be (really) there for your child. Eat well, exercise, engage in short periods of relaxation throughout the day. Don’t feel guilty if you have to take time for yourself – for instance, if you’re taking a day off from work, don’t end up staying at home and doing a full day of chores (unless that’s therapeutic for you!)
There may be times when you find that you have to improvise or put out fires. Here are 5 tips to help cope with your parenting duties and responsibilities.
#1 Believe that you’re the best parent for your child
Yes, you are a single parent but believe that you’re the best for your child. It is difficult to juggle so many duties if you’re living in doubt all the time, and tough situations require confidence and tenacity to pull through. Don’t doubt yourself.
#2 Parent with authority
Always parent with authority – setting boundaries, being firm and consistent, and loving has been researched to be most beneficial for children. Communicate and speak directly with them, and expect respect from your child.
#3 Doing what is required
Working smart is important when you have multiple responsibilities with little time! Decide what chores you can skip, or reduce frequency of doing, or outsourced to a third party (laundry service, or neighbor who doesn’t mind an extra income to babysit or cook your meals). Let go of perfection and aim to get what counts done instead.
#4 Finding quality childcare
Quality childcare is so much more important especially if you don’t foresee that you’d have the time to form playdates for your child or to help with his/her learning.
#5 Asking for support
There are support groups and schemes available in Singapore, and it is worth seeking them out and getting help. Sometimes talking to other parents and learning how they have overcome their challenges can help.
Check out some of these assistance available for single parents!
1. Maternity leave and CDA
Unwed mothers are entitled to full 16-week maternity leave and their children will also have access to a Child Development Account (CDA), a savings scheme meant to pay for childcare and healthcare costs.
2. Healthcare
Whether born to single or dual parents, a child is entitled to Medisave Grant for Newborns and Medishield Life coverage as long as your child is born a Singapore citizen. All Singapore citizen newborns born on or after 1 January 2015 qualify for the enhanced $4,000 Medisave Grant for Newborns (MGN). The medisave can be used to cover your child’s healthcare expenses like MediShield Life premiums, and the costs of hospitalisations, certain vaccinations and outpatient treatments. If you are unable to pay premiums at the subsidized rate, there is additional premium support available from the government.
3. Childcare
There are subsidized childcare rates available and if your monthly household income is less than $7,500, additional subsidies are available (additional S$200 to S$540 on top of S$600 subsidies for infant care; additional S$100 to S$440 on top of S$300 for childcare). There are also MOE financial assistance schemes for those who are from primary school age.
4. Housing
If you are a divorced or widowed parent to a child below 16, the Housing and Development Board (HDB) has an Assistance Scheme for Second-Timers (Divorced/Widowed Parents) whereby 5% of new 2-room Flexi and 3-room Build-To-Order (BTO) flats in non-mature estates has been set aside for single parents with such housing requirements.
5. Family service centers
There are family support centers for single parents, such as the AS-SALAAM PPIS Family Support Centre (for single parents), located at Blk 322 Ubi Ave 1, #01-591, Singapore 400322 and HELP Family Service Centre (for single parents) at Blk 570 Ang Mo Kio Ave 3, #01-3317, Singapore 560570
6. Counseling and legal help
If you need counseling, mentoring or feel that attending a curriculum will help you to be more confident about life as a single mother, you can find out more fromAWARE(Association of Women for Action and Research). They have a workshop series with Daughters of Tomorrow to help women rediscover their talents and professional development, also a mentoring and befriender program. AWARE also offers a free legal clinic twice a month with experienced lawyers to provide women with legal information and advice.
7. Employment
You can also join Daughters Of Tomorrow’s job matching database and seek their help to look out for suitable and supportive job opportunities for you in their network of partner employers.
Know that even though you are a single parent, you are not alone. You have your child, and family and friends. There are also support groups and organizations that you can reach out to for help.
