Ever wonder why it is important for Dads to be involved in parenting? Mr Danny Yeo, Programme Executive from Centre for Fathering shares his experience.
How do you define your relationship with your child? A ‘guardian’? A ‘role model’?
A father’s role in a child’s life goes beyond that. They can be a playmates, cooks, chauffers, best friends, or teammates. Through the generations, the father’s role has expanded. While the fathers of the earlier generations only needed to bring food to the table, they now need to be an integral part of his child’s life and development.
The father and child connection is a relationship, and it needs to be nurtured often on a one-on-one basis. Even a walk to a nearby shop to get ice-cream and back can be special and serves as a personal bonding time for the child. Through this undivided attention, children will tell their fathers things that they may not say when other family members are around.
Children will hit some rough patches as they grow up, and some can be very challenging and difficult to handle. When that happens, they will turn for support and assurance. If a father’s love is the most resonant and unwavering one, that child will come to the father for advice and support.
A strong bond between the father and child will be a life-long relationship, and the task of creating such a relationship with the child is a life-long journey. The efforts of the father has to be consistent.
A father’s love for his child is one that cannot be replaced by any other. The child needs that paternal affection and likewise the father wants the love of his child. That is why, father and child bonding is important.
Mums have always been the more involved figure in their children’s lives, so will Dads’ involvement change anything and impact their children’s development and education?
When the average parent living in competitive Singapore is tasked to find ways to prioritize their child’s education, most will conclude that enrichment classes, or devising schedules that get the most of their child’s day is among the most effective ways to help their child to excel.
These findings are backed by a study on 500 parents conducted by The Straits Times last June. It found that found that 7 in 10 sent their children for tuition, despite knowing that extra classes may not significantly help raise their children’s grades.
But what if there are less stressful and more enjoyable ways to ensure that their children’s education is a high priority? The answer: Papa.
On the first day of school this year, Senior Minister of State in the Prime minister’s Office Josephine Teo revealed in a blog post that the government wants to help fathers take on a more active role in child-raising.
Mrs Teo, who helps to oversee the National Population and Talent Division quoted the findings of several studies, including those from OECD and the World Health Organization, that children with more involved fathers have better developmental outcomes.
Here are some interesting facts based on studies conducted over the years:
• Children: Children perform better in school, are more confident, and when their fathers are actively involved in their lives. They also learn from watching their fathers make decisions, and have fewer behavioural problems and a lower risk of delinquency with an involved father.
• Girls: All future romantic relationships in a girl’s life will be influenced positively or negatively by the way she perceives and interacts with her dad
• Boys: Boys are protected from extreme victimisation when their fathers are actively engaged with them
• Parents: Fathers who are more involved will enjoy a better marriage as their wives feel supported by their effort
• Wives: Fathers who are more involved will enjoy a better marriage as their wives feel supported by their effort.
In addition, the Centre For Fathering suggests six ways parents, especially dads, can prioritize their child’s education.
1. Managing expectations:
Sit down with your children and decide together what is reasonable to expect regarding their school work. Set goals together, and try to look beyond the A’s and B’s, to help your children focus more on what they can learn and achieve in life (short term and long term). After the tallk, be sure you both understand exactly what your expectations are.
Fathers should adjust their expectations, especially those who are often busy at work. It can be a new year’s resolution among many men desire to be involved dads, but stressful work, lack of quality time and the subsequent emotional disengagement can be a significant obstacle. Accept the fact that one doesn’t just become an involved father overnight.
2. Share about challenges you faced
Before you were a dad, what challenges did you face at school? How did you handle them? What mistakes did you make?
Telling how you got punished for eating in class, you snuck through the back gate when you were late for school, or your bullying experiences and how you handled them will help your child see that mishaps and a missed assignment is not the end of the world.
3. Help to establish good routines for the school year
Many families keep a less structured schedule during the school holidays and now is the time to start thinking about predictable bedtimes, mealtimes, getting up in the morning and so on. You want your children to quickly take on responsibility for this themselves, but for a while it will require you to be intentional and watchful.
Fathers should also draw lines for work and family bonding. Many children look forward to spending time with their dads during the school holidays. Demonstrate involvement by planning family days out and time off work early.
4. Tell stories
Talk about your past years, like: “What memory do you have from kindergarten?”, “What experience at school embarrassed you the most?”, “When did you feel most proud of something you accomplished?”
Also, make sure you dig into your memory and tell them your own back-to-school stories, both the good, and not-so-good. That will help your kids open up.
5. Demonstrate high involvement right away
There will be regular events in school to help you stay connected – orientation day, meet-the-parent session, sports day etc., and there will other times when you can go and learn about the curriculum, expectations or the daily routine. Take advantage of every back-to-school opportunity, but don’t stop there. Put other events on your calendar like field trips, classroom parties, parent-teacher conferences and extracurricular activities.
In particular, communicating with your child’s teacher is key as they are the ones who can help identify their weaknesses and help them to improve and do well.
6. Finally, recommit now to building a strong bond
Go get ice cream, swimming, play football and just make the most of any school break. Also, consider scheduling a regular time during the school year when you can check in and spend some time one-on-one together, like breakfast together on the first Saturday each month. For a young child, you can consider on bonding with them before and after work or on days when you are free to bring them to the park to play.
If you feel that you are always in a rush for time, there are other ways that you can bond with your baby and child too. Stay tuned to find out more on the Different Ways That Dad Can Bond With Baby And Child.
Written by Mr Danny Yeo
Programme Executive
Centre for Fathering
