Woman tends to have tons of anxiety when she gets pregnant and it can be tougher if she’s on her own. Sometimes the toughest is handling questions on the baby’s father, bearing with comments that border on the ridiculous, or just plain rude.

Here are 8 things you should never ask a single pregnant woman!

#1 Who’s the dad?

This is obvious. If you know that your friend or the lady that you are speaking with is single, don’t ask about the dad. What answer are you expecting anyway? If she wants to confide in you, she will tell you without you asking. If you just want to know for “gossip” purpose, get a life.

#2 Why is the baby’s father not around?

There are so many reasons to this but knowing the answer will not change the status of your friend being single. She would have thought through the decision, or circumstances may be such that she will be a single mom. Insisting on an explanation is like rubbing salt in a wound, especially if your friend has already experienced sadness and hurt over her situation. Again, if she wants to confide in you, she will tell you without being asked.

#3 Did you make him pay for child maintenance?

Under the law, it is the duty of parents to contribute to the maintenance of their children, regardless of whether they are legitimate or illegitimate. While you may have intended to be helpful by highlighting that your friend can legally require the baby’s father to pay for child maintenance, your friend may be offended by your question; for instance, she may have decided to raise her baby on her own and happy to do so.

#4 Are you sure you can cope?

That’s not very comforting and sort of imply that your friend has not thought through how she is going to raise her child. Whether she is sure or not, she has decided to raise her baby. She may take it the wrong way that you’re suggesting that she considers abortion. If you want to help, you can diplomatically ask at the right time the help she needs or offer to help out when her baby is born.

#5 Do you know research says that fathers play a very important role in raising a child?

Yes, but life is not a research paper – the situation that a single mother faces is real and quoting research doesn’t help. Your friend may also be offended that you think she is negligent or at fault for getting into a situation where she is a single mom.

#6 Oh dear, what will you tell your baby about the father?

This is definitely a conversation when the baby is born and grown up – the focus now should be on helping your friend with her pregnancy or providing support in the first few months. Making her worry about what she will tell her baby is not supportive.

#7 You do know that your baby will be affected by not having a father right?

As a mother, she will do all that she can to give her baby a good life. There is no absolute that her baby will be affected and presumptuous to assume that her baby will turn out for worse. The question also carries the tone that your friend somehow has gotten herself into a situation where she has inadvertently harmed her baby.

#8 Can you secretly tell me who the father is?

No. Stop pressing to find out who the father is and don’t ever guess. Get on with your life.

Sometimes it may not be intentional that questions are asked to hurt a single pregnant friend but as you can see questions which you may be thinking, if asked, can be hurtful. Remember to be tactful and avoid probing about the father. Focus on being a supportive friend instead.

Written by Mei