Being a mother is not easy and it is an impossible job if you ever try to be a perfect one. There are different notions of what being a perfect mom means, but most would relate it to

One –  never making a parenting mistake,

Two –  being the ideal role model for your child

Three –  raising a perfect child

We can agree that these notions are impossible to live up to, and trying to do so (even if you habour such intent without saying it out in the open!) can be immensely stressful, and possibly setting back your parenting efforts. Here’s why striving to be a good mum is wiser than trying to be a perfect one!

24/7 perfection vs 24/7 imperfect efforts

It is impossible to be perfect all the time – there are days when you are tired, stressed and too worn out to be practicing all the good parenting tips. You just want to chill, have “me-time” and hang the “Do Not Disturb” sign. Sometimes trying to be perfect can actually add to the stress, makes it harder to forgive yourself or prompts you to “throw in the towel” and simply not parent. It is therefore more realistic to acknowledge that you cannot be perfect but instead make an effort to be a good mom.

Fact: No one is perfect

We know that children look to their parents as role models and that actions speak louder than words. However, it is not possible to be perfect role model. At some point in your day, you may get angry (for the wrong reasons), think badly of someone, be impatient, talk a tone harsher than required, complain (inwardly or outwardly) and not be grateful for what you already have. Instead of trying to be the perfect role model, it is better to discuss with your spouse on the values that both of you care about and reinforce these values whenever appropriate.

Efforts can be made, but results cannot be controlled

A mom who tries to be perfect may end up trying to control the results, that is, how her child turns out. While it is true that parents are an influence on the children, there are also many other factors that influence a child, including his own views.

So we have talked about being a good mom, but what exactly does a good mom do? There is no mathematical formula for parenting (just like there is none for being a good spouse or living a good life) but the overriding factor of being a good mom is being involved; if there is no interaction, interest and involvement, there is no opportunity for you to positively influence your child.

Here are 8 ways an awesome mom would get involved!

#1 Spending time with your child

There is a shift away from the notion of quality time, in particular that time spent together has to be doing something, or tackling a particular issue. Instead more parents acknowledge that when you spend enough time with your child, your child will open up to you and ask for your advice. The time spent with your child should be focused on your child, not on your electronic device!

#2 Taking an interest in your child’s life

When we are talking to our spouse, we want our spouse to be paying attention. Children share the same feelings – when your child talks to you, he wants your attention. Furthermore, when you take an interest in your child’s life, ranging from the friends, hobbies or sports, you are bonding, gaining trust and also encouraging your child to be better in what he does.

#3 Be a role model, including confessing when you make mistakes

We did say it is not possible to be a perfect role model, but the fact remains that children learn from watching their parents. Model the values that you want to inculcate in your child (and be a better person at the same time!) and when you make a mistake, let your child know that you would try to improve.

#4 Allow your child to make mistakes

Similarly, children will make mistake. Do not be over-protective but instead let your child find his own solutions. When a mistake is made, do not start the habit of sweeping them under the carpet; some mistakes have to be “processed” to help your child learn from them. Don’t start overlooking misbehaviours – it is not possible to predict what situations your child will hide from you if he sees that you tend to either ignore them or judge harshly.

#5 Expect Respect and Discipline

Being involved does not mean being your child’s friend and adopting a “permissive” parenting style where everything is alright. Set boundaries, expect respect and be prepared to discipline your child when boundaries are crossed. Likewise, respect your child by not gossiping about your child or comparing your child with another child.

#6 Build a Strong Marriage

Yes, it is important that your marriage is strong so that your child feels secure. No bad-mouthing your spouse, belittling or contradicting him in front of your child.

#7 Be Supportive

Support your child in what he wants to do while teaching him to persevere and be responsible for his own actions. Praise the effort and avoid praises that are too vague or that may deter your child from trying. For instance, parenting experts have shared of how children are fearful to attempt more challenging questions or tasks because they want to maintain the status of knowing all the answers and always getting everything right.

#8 Be Grateful

Gratitude in life is important – it is not about being complacent, or being content with status quo. Rather gratitude is about acknowledging that there are many things we are blessed with, therefore we should be grateful, humble and be kind and helpful. Find opportunities to volunteer together and take the chance during meal time to express gratitude for the day.

Being a mom is a huge responsibility and a wonderful privilege. You are also not alone in this journey as your spouse and even your child can help you grow as a mother.

Written by Mei